Irmageddon – Day 6

September 15, 2017

It’s sooooo HOT!!

Well, friends, after I got my sweat laden body out of bed today, visited my personal bathroom, used it and happily flushed it using running water, I decided to call my friends over at FPL and stay on the line til I got a real, red-blood flowing, warm bodied, breathing person on the other end. 20 minutes later I get a customer representative who asks, ” How can I help you?”

I proceed to tell him how HOT it is in my neighborhood without power and could he please give me a better estimate than the automated response of 11:45pm on Sunday, September 17. After some extensive yet polite conversation on the topic the results are still the same.

Knowing full well that I need to keep my sense of humor I then ask, ” Well since it’s going to take that long could you please send out the “Eye Candy Linemen?””

Complete silence.

“Ma’am?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry. What was that you asked?”

At this point I’m totally dying with laughter inside so I decide to spare the man the whole FB posting story about having hunkalicious men hooking up my power (amongst other things!) and tell him “Nevermind.” I must say I did lose my manners and did not even bother to thank him for his time since I most definitely wasted my time and breath on the entire 30 minute ordeal. And…

Jan:  Hang in there! Your posts have been my comedy relief during Irmageddon.

It’s HOT!! Like stepping on the sun HOT!!

I proceed with my day which involved two airport trips. On both trips I had the A/C of my ancient, thirteen year old, blue, Toyota Highlander with hurricane Irma yard debris plastered on the sides like a kindergarten collage blowing on full blast right in my face. I enjoyed every minute of those trips lightly sipping ice cold Coca-Cola from my Mizzou etched Yeti cup that my HOT husband gave me for Christmas. IT WAS COLD!!! And I was not HOT!! Four glorious hours of arctic breeze! I totally forgot about the Chippendale Linemen!

I returned home late in the afternoon and GUESS WHAT?!!!!!

Yep! You guessed it!

IT WAS HOT!! Damn HOT!

My house hasn’t changed one bit since yesterday but I still had hope as some neighbors posted on the Nextdoor app that they saw a truck earlier in the day on UnNamed Drive! OMG! THAT’S MY STREET! I just knew that we were going to get powered up today because…

IT’S HOT!! Like a Hawaiian lava flow HOT!!

As the dinner hour approached and I was HOT, I headed to my awesome sister’s house for dinner and a shower but before I left the Island I took a few minutes to find that FPL truck. I was so ready to offer the Linemen some of the most delicious homemade spaghetti and meatballs because I can COOK! Hell, I was ready to feed the whole fleet! I can whip out spaghetti and meatballs with sausage and braciole for 50 before you can say “Electricity”! I was even going to follow it up with my world famous mango bread!

Well no worries about having to make good on that because they were GONE!!! Vanished like a Las Vegas magician trick!!! Where the hell do you hide an FPL truck?!!! And…

IT’S HOT!

Now let’s talk about doorbells. Doorbells are a sure sign that you have power. You know, that little doorbell has a teeny tiny little light in it and when you drive down the Trail and look to see who has power, that doorbell light is proof that a house is fully functional with that thing we all take for granted until it’s gone, and that is POWER! I’m pretty sure almost every house on the south Trail and south Courtenay have power based on those damn doorbell lights! So after I post this I’m going to drive through some neighborhoods and test to see if my hypothesis is correct and push those tiny, tiny, electrically lit, doorbell buttons to remind everyone not to take their POWER for granted. Maybe if everyone gets irritated enough they will call FPL and beg them to please hook up the power to that crazy-ass lady down on Unnamed Drive who spent all night ringing doorbells and waking everyone up! Because….

Tiffany: You can come ring my doorbell and wake me up…. oh wait no you can’t because I don’t have power either and I won’t actually be sleeping cuz it’s freaking hot!!! Lol

IT’S HOT!

And she can’t sleep.

So friends, if your doorbell rings tonight, it was me. Be sure to call FPL early in the morning and get them to send out those glistening, “Eye Candy Linemen” wearing only their work boots, tool belt and hard hat to Jenny’s house so she will leave the Islanders to enjoy their nights without the sound of doorbells ringing. Because…

IT’S HOT!

Oh, and the picture was taken just a few minutes ago. You can tell it’s my house because there is no doorbell light. (only solar powered yard lights)

Jenny (another Jenny) Omg. I love the picture haha

Damn! IT’S HOT